. religious thoughts .

I have always wanted the spiritual life to be the center of mine. I never really cared much for making a living, or for the power or status of money. I wanted to do something good for the world, good for the soul. Everything seemed stained with politics or fruitless - I felt I couldn't stop the wheel of destruction.

I never fit into any religion. I tried Chritianity, but there were so many holes I should've called it swiss cheese. The Judeo-Christian bent had no room for women, or the feminine experience. It was as if women weren't there unless they were washing somebody's feet or having someone's head chopped off. The whole judging sky father thing was never a turn-on either.

It is easy for those who can accept a patriarchal paradigm to hide in the cloisters, in the eaves of a wall, with so many other like-believers. I wanted to join, to have that communion and support, but I couldn't live with myself being hypocritical. I felt any religion would end up excommunicating me anyway, because I am always seeking. I ask too many questions, the questions threaten their stability and traditions. But I am after ever-evasive Truth, and that is more vital than any building, book or tradition. When religious leaders answer, "Because it is. It is not for us to question", I know something has become mottled, sick. There is no vitality left in that religion, and it becomes the platform of politics, bickering, petty, deranged interactions.

I do believe there is an abundance, a god/goddess of goodness of love of compassion. The goddess who brought us green and nature and planet, the goddess who brought us forgiveness and altruism. I don't vibe with religions that thrive on placing fear, that thrive on books and laws set in stone. There are a few laws to follow, but tinier details are often irrelevant and are more a reflection of society and a set of individuals' backgrounds and outlook than the truth. There are only a few truths to follow. I think the Universe is a benevolent force and would like to help us reach Bliss, here on earth.

To me, Heaven is not something to reach "out there", or when I die necessarily. It is a state of mind. I believe wholly that heaven can be reached here on earth.

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